Saturday, December 23, 2006

God does exist!


"God does exist."

"God does not exist."

"God does exist."

"God does not exist."

"God does exist."





"Hmmmmm... ok.... let me fetch another flower."






Friday, December 22, 2006

Religion


A socially accepted and overlooked mental illness.





Tuesday, December 19, 2006

How to make the world healthier


Let court doctors run hospitals and nobody has anything anymore.




Thursday, December 14, 2006

Vice Presidential Candidate of the USA Nazi Party dies in car accident


It is with great sorrow and regret that I report to you on the passing of the East Coast Director and Vice Presidential Candidate of the USA National Socialist Movement, Col. "Wild Bill" Hoff on Dec. 8th, 2006 at the age of 71.


Nebbish.





Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Out of anything for god


Dogma of the faithful :
"I suppose it could be argued that if one is doing something out of spite for God, and not merely out of ignorance, it’s a manifestation of desperation or mental illness, and one is therefore not fully responsible."

Dogma of the atheist :
"I suppose it could be argued that if one is doing something out of love for god, and not merely out of ignorance, it’s a manifestation of desperation or mental illness, and one is therefore not fully responsible."

Coordinating theory (?) :
"I suppose it could be argued that if one is doing something out of anything for any god, and not merely out of ignorance, it’s a manifestation of desperation or mental illness, and one is therefore not fully responsible."


(With thanks to "Cipher" in the comments of Shaigetz' blog)




Tuesday, December 12, 2006

The dark forces of Mordor have gathered

Holocaust deniers gather in Iran for 'scientific' conference, visitors include ex-KKK chief and radical rabbis.


It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.






Monday, December 11, 2006

Iran Opens Holocaust Conference

TEHRAN, Iran — Iran on Monday opened a conference on the Holocaust, saying it would not be an attempt to deny the World War II genocide but merely to discuss it in an unrestricted atmosphere.



The following is a summary of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's openings speech:


Kill the Jews!






Friday, December 08, 2006

I am not fat!


I just finally fit into my body.





Thursday, December 07, 2006

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The concept "god" (03)


... a mental hide out from reality.





Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Midlife crisis? (been there, done that)


Don't be afraid to peel your layers and dig for yourself your self.







To the first post in the "Midlife" sequence.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Monday, November 27, 2006

Sunday, November 26, 2006

The chosen?


I do not think Esau would have given us that name.


Saturday, November 25, 2006

Bright and religious (02)


Mental contortionists.


Friday, November 24, 2006

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Since I found out about my high IQ


I no longer make stupid mistakes...


I now err intelligently.


Friday, November 17, 2006

So, you want to work for me?



French solicitant: "Yes"

Boss Circum: "And you speak English?"

French solicitant: "Yes"

Boss Circum: "Are you married?"

French solicitant: "Yes"

Boss Circum: "You have children?"

French solicitant: "Yes"

Boss Circum: "How many?"

French solicitant: "Yes"



Friday, November 10, 2006

Have you become more aggressive since your accident?




"NO, DAMMIT!"
(If something pisses me off it must be this question)








To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Israel: a failed experiment


(no need to say more)





Saturday, November 04, 2006

Shabbes Treat (2)


Fried grasshoppers (aperitif)
Preparation time: 30 minutes

Ingredients:
3 grasshoppers per person (size: L - XL)
2 cloves garlic, crushed
olive oil
fresh lemon juice
1 peanut per grasshopper
salt, pepper
chili (optional)

- Put living grasshoppers in fridge for half an hour.
- Remove legs, head, wings, and guts.
- Put the peanuts in the bodies (one each)
- Pan-roast the bodies over a high heat for ± 10 minutes or until they turn red.
- Add the lemon juice, salt and garlic and serve immediately.

Beteavon!


Friday, November 03, 2006

Modesty is our middle name


A man from a promotion team makes polaroid pictures of people walking by. An orthodox jewish mother passes, four toddlers around her and one in the buggy. The man gives her the picture he just took from one of her kids.

I understand from her gestures that she wants pictures of her other kids too.



A priest asks the barber who just did his hair how much he has to pay. The barber answers "Nothing father, I don't ask money from clergymen." The next day the priest sends the barber a golden cross as thanks. A few days later a rabbi walks in and has his hair cut. The barber answers in the same manner to the question as how much it should cost. A few days later the rabbi sends four other rabbis.



Thursday, October 19, 2006

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The divine hoax


What if you lived a frum life, died and heaven does not exist?
Oh well at least you had an unconcerned depart.



Monday, October 16, 2006

The concept "god"



Not bad but like other human inventions, subject to severe misuse.




Sunday, October 15, 2006

Kosher as can be.....



...but not necessarily cleaning hands before cooking.


Thursday, October 12, 2006

Sukkoth 2006



I don't think it will be decent when I start shockeling my gear in public.



Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Voor haar


Zij verstaat de kunst van bij me horen
In mijn lichaam heeft ze plaats gemaakt voor twee
In mijn ogen woont ze, in mijn oren
Ze hoort en ziet mijn hele leven met me mee
Soms begint ze in mijn hart te zingen
Waar het nacht wordt heeft ze lichtjes aangedaan
En door haar weet ik dan door te dringen
Tot de onvermoede schat van ons bestaan

Zo alleen maar wil ik verder leven
Schuilend bij elkaar
En als ik oud moet worden, dan alleen met haar

Zij kent al mijn dromen en mijn wanen
Al mijn haast en al mijn hoon en mijn spijt
Als ik lach kent zij alleen de tranen
Die daar achter liggen in de tijd

Zo alleen maar wil ik verder leven
Schuilend bij elkaar
En als ik oud moet worden, dan alleen met haar
Zij is meer dan deze woorden zeggen
In mijn lichaam heeft ze plaats gemaakt voor twee
Maar wie weet een wonder uit te leggen
En een wonder draag ik met me mee

- Lyrics by Frans Halsema



Tuesday, October 03, 2006

God does not exist!


"Yes He does!"
"No he does not!"
"Yes He does!"
"No he does not!"
"Yes He does!"

etc. etc.

Who cares...

Just live your life as a Mensch.





Friday, September 29, 2006

I believe...



God can't exist...

period


Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Declare that we are peaceful or we will kill you!




(Indignant Muslim reaction to Pope's comments that Islam is violent)




Thursday, September 14, 2006

Doctors can do so much these days!


This one retroactively changed my three broken ribs into just one ...




... in his report.






To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Opium for the masses (2)


Aren't all religions paganism to a rational mind?

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Über-chacham


For someone as highly gifted as me it is obvious that the intelligence test, that revealed my high IQ, is rubbish.




To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Wise men say...


Dear Mr.Circum,

It is with great pleasure that I inform you that I, in my immeasurable wisdom, have decided that you, while in the hospital recuperating from your accident, were still competent to work for 75%.

Sincerely, The Court's Doctor






To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Smarties



Dear Mr.Circum,

It is with great pleasure that we inform you that you are not entitled to receive any compensation for your brain injury nor for the loss of your higher cognitive functions that were a result of your head trauma caused by your accident last year. According to the court's psychologist who examined you for 6 hours you are highly gifted, and thus you are still way above average and have nothing to complain.

Sincerely, The Court's Doctor









To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

When Iran does not comply with EU deadline over nuclear issue...


Then, then..... the EU will set another deadline!

That'll show them we're serious. Hah!

Friday, September 01, 2006

Thursday, August 24, 2006

The taste of Friendship (7)


Now that it is established that love is nothing but a chemical reaction, it will be our future that we will find Friendship, Hate and Love next to Viagra at the pharmacy. Hate will taste bitter, Love will taste sweet and Friendship, most probably, will have a disappointing taste.


Thursday, August 17, 2006

Friendship (6)


What is its purpose?

Utopia


Why aim for the perfect life?

Monday, July 24, 2006

Arab logic? (2)



"Kill the Jews!"

(Arab governments feeling endangered by a possible citizin's revolution)





Sunday, July 23, 2006

Sad prospects



With every tragic casualty on either side of the border, true peace is postponed with at least two generations.


Arab logic? (1)



"Kill the Jews!"

(Arab citizens feeling betrayed by their governments)





Sunday, July 16, 2006

Daddy! Daddy! Wake up!



"Look! I can hypnotize!
...you feel sleepy now..."


Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Ma belle amie


Ma belle amie
You were a child of the sun
And the sky and the deep blue sea
Ma belle amie
Apres tous les beaux jours
Je te dis merci merci
You were the answer of all my questions
Before we're through
I want to tell you that I adore you
And always do
That you amaze me by leaving me now
And start a-new
Ma belle amie I'm in love with you

Let the bells ring
Let the birds sing
Let's all give my substitute a big cheer
Let the bells ring
Let the birds sing
For the man after him waits here
For the man after him waits here

Ma belle amie
You were a child of the sun
And the sky and the deep blue sea
Ma belle amie
There was a time that you thought
That your only friend was me
You were the answer of all my questions
Before we're through
I want to tell you that I adore you
And always do
That you amaze me by leaving me now
And start a-new
Ma belle amie I'm in love with you

- Lyrics by The Tee Set -

Thursday, July 06, 2006

God must be anti-Semitic...


...making oyster and lobster treife.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Reflections for sabbath (15)



Is one supposed to disable the links on one's site for shabbes? And if so, according to the local time of the site-owner or visitor?



To the first post in the "Reflections for sabbath" sequence.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

High-tech Jew


... has google written all over his ponem.
(...staat de google op zijn ponem geschreven.)



Friday, June 16, 2006

“Really? You don't look 75!”



Proud 75 yr old man:
Thank you, that's very nice of you young man, and how old are you?


Circum:
Also 75


Saturday, June 10, 2006

“Soooo..... yóu are my daughter's boyfriend?”



Timid 14 yr old boy:
.... uhhh, no sir


Daddy Circum in a harsh tone:
Ah, and why not!?


Friday, June 09, 2006

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

My guardian angel is back!


(but I don't know if I should be happy)

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Old Jewish Latin saying


Shcorum omnia shcorum


Thursday, May 11, 2006

Thank God I'm an atheist!


Had I been wearing a yarmulka instead of a safety helmet, my blog would have ended the day before my birthday.





To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Escapism


All is said...

It's in the people to behave like short-sighted sheep with winkers. If not religion, they'll find something else to follow blindly.

Nothing will change...



Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Gutspah-ponem


Two yeshiwa schnorrers came in today.
One of them smoking a cigarette while walking in…
not even bothering asking if he could smoke or not.
His arrogant body language annoyed me tremendously.

He obviously believes in God, thinking he can raise money like that.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Fortis Bank highly recommended


Fortis:
"Dear Mr.Circum,
We have the pleasure to inform you that referring to art 521.275 sub.456/b §78-15A of our special hidden conditions we hereby end our relationship ... blah ... blah ... blah ... sub 17 article whatever ... blah ... blah ... blah ... emphasizing attachement 38885.98-a of document 89/876/1887 ... blah ... blah ... blah ... in addition, documents ... blah ... blah ... blah ... describing in detail ... blah ... blah ... blah ... appended later to this contract ... blah ... blah ... blah ... fine print in white ink ... blah ... blah ... blah ... therefore we present you our final invoice."


Circum:
"Show me that contract please."

Fortis:
"Dear Mr.Circum,
We really must insist that referring to art 521.275 sub.456/b §78-15A of our special hidden conditions, especially those of ... blah ... blah ... blah ... sub 17 article whatever ... etc. etc. etc. So you must pay!"


Circum:
"Screw you."

Fortis:
"Ok, then you don't have to pay."






To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Accident aftermath (13)


Tomorrow I'm visiting a dietician for the second time this month.
I've lost already 45 euros.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

100% kosher with Pesach


... but not necessarily stopping for a red light.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Iran’s nuclear aspirations


Iran wants to have a nuclear bomb and the USA want to give them one.
I don’t see the problem here.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Interesting test


Touch the center of the target with your forefinger (mouse won't work) and drag the image to the left or right of your screen.







(If not working, click here.)


Thursday, March 30, 2006

Genesis revised (3)


And God said: “let there be cancer” and God saw that it was good.


Opium for the masses


Why do you choose to believe?

Genesis revised (2)


And God said: “let all religions fight each other” and God saw that it was good.



Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Holy shit


Seven bad years, seven worse years.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Accident aftermath (12)


Being a burden to my wife and kids
and it hurts.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

"What is a virgin?"


I just heard my 9 year old daughter asking her 17 year old brother that question. He answered: “That is somebody who has not been driving a car yet.


Sunday, March 26, 2006

Genesis revised


And God said: “let there be misery” and God saw that it was good.


Godverdomme


...and that's what He did...



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

I want my life back!













To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Six months since my accident.


Throwing up/a party!



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Accident aftermath (11)


So far, this must be the worst millenium I've ever had.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Till 120!


A kloleh in disguise.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Accident aftermath (10)


My natural waning seems to be in higher gear.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

My Purim disguise:


I'll wear a yarmulke.



Friday, March 10, 2006

I feel happy


Every morning when I wake up
There's just one feeling I feel
I hear the birds and I see the sun
I can't believe it's for real.

I feel so crappy
So very, very crappy
I'm the crappiest monster you'll ever see
There's no one as crappy as me.



Freely rendered from "So Happy" by Sesame Street.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Monday, March 06, 2006

Accident aftermath (9)


My character and intelligence, the once so solid foundations of my existence, are quaking.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Raison d'etre


My loved ones

for them
I am

for them
I'll be.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Accident aftermath (8)


I knew I would have dips, but eight days on a row is a bit too much.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Friday, February 24, 2006

KILL KILL KILL !!!!!





Kill the painters!
Kill the Jews!





Normal human reaction: “Why the painters?


Thursday, February 23, 2006

Looney tunes


Looking at the worldwide islamitic reaction, a blown-up holy Shiite shrine by Sunni "activists" must be less important then the publication of some cartoons.



Kill the Sunni!
Kill the Shiite!
Kill the Jews!






Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Life sucks and then you die


I'm struggling to be present in my life
I don't feel like writing
All became rather two-dimensional.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Kill the Jews!


Today a barber was spotted looking at the Mohammed cartoons in the Jyllands-Posten.



Kill the barbers!
Kill the Jews!





Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Reflections for sabbath (14)


I am glad Moses led us through the desert. Imagine he led us through Alaska instead, we would be celebrating Sukkoth in an igloo...

(and the balconies of the orthi's would be huge refrigerators)



To the next post in the "Reflections for sabbath" sequence.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Holocaust survivors, second generation (13)


My cousin called.

He found out about my accident and wanted to know how I am doing.

We lost contact shortly after an unpleasant phone call I had with his mother. He told me that she had broken her hip (or something) some time ago and that she was recovering well. He kept on speaking about her as if he wanted to pull out from me expressions of sadness about her situation. I noticed by myself how little I cared.

Finally as a sort of exchange to do him a favour (because he showed interest in my situation) I asked how she was doing and wished him the best for his mother (I couldn’t bring myself to tell him to wish her my best). We finished our conversation and he told me that he would call me again soon, and I knew he wouldn’t.

It seems we both inherited our mothers’ talent to communicate and converse in silence.




To the next post in the "second generation" sequence.

Accident aftermath (7)


Am injecting myself daily since one week and really feel an improvement of my cognitive capabilities and creativity. It's been more then four months now. I hope to be on the road of recovery.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Accident aftermath (6)


My latest stupidity in this pathetic process of mental decay was forgetting that I turned on the deep fryer. This is getting dangerous.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Accident aftermath (5)


Slowly but surely changing into a demented lump of fat.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Accident aftermath (4)


Two days ago I started with my daily injections, I hope they will help. I recognize signs of some sort of dementia. I keep loosing things and yesterday I forgot that I was filling the bath and had the water run for three hours.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

My muse


Scending at rescuing affinity.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Weltrusten en gezond weer op


Omein!



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Accident aftermath (3)


Like paralyzed when a tension of 400 grams is set to pull my head. Fainting when being massaged. Fattening 700-800 grams per week. Suffering from neck pain, amnesia, insomnia, morning temper and dulled emotions. My normal reasonable chess rating is in a free fall.

But for the rest I’m fine.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Reflections for sabbath (13)


The remarkable methodical logic that is used to procure clearness in halachical issues is set aside when explaining Torah.



To the next post in the "Reflections for sabbath" sequence.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Accident aftermath (2)


Filling my days with nothing
too languid to write something.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Accident aftermath


Like an indifferent outsider, I'm stoically observing how my intellectual powers are degenerating. Passivity and abating emotions are insidious overcoming me, yet I will try to keep blogging and describe this process of deterioration.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Libidon't


After my accident, the only morning stiffness I have is in my neck.



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

One happy fatalist (13)


This broken pituitary means that I have to inject myself daily for the rest of my life. With my luck that probably will be a long time too.




To the first post in the "One happy fatalist" sequence.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Reflections for sabbath (12)

Moral of this week’s parshah (Vayigash)

Humiliate your brother so later he will share with you in his prosperity.



To the next post in the "Reflections for sabbath" sequence.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

An orthi, God unworthy (2)


My satire would be slier if liar wouldn’t rhyme on frayer
but on orthi.

Eureka


The test showed my pituitary
obvious nonhereditary
stopped working for good
expecting now I should
be screwed by th'insurance dignitaries.

Laaa la la la laaaaa la
Laaa la la la laaaaa la



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Second opinion


I asked my doctor for a second opinion.
Ok” he said “you’re ugly too”.

Henny Youngman (1906-1998)



To the next post in the "Accident" sequence.

Respectable racists


The breeder's bunch

Monday, January 02, 2006

In the name of God


God placed the serpent in the tree to persuade Eve. The poor serpent did what he was meant to do and got punished.

Moral of the story:
When you think you are acting in the name of God you might end up limbless.

Mr.Noble


What's in a name?

Is your glass half full or half empty?


Who drank from my glass dammit?!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Is the word "orthi" derogatory?


Discussion here.

Obviation (20)


He mite be.
No, for sure.


Mite: small (often parasitic) insect which feeds on decaying matter.


To the first post in the "Obviation" sequence.