Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Holiday happiness day 6

The psychology behind, and the technique of, claiming desk chairs at the pool. An in-depth study of a particular season-related human behavior for which your undercover correspondent went great lengths.

Before I start my disquisition, and perhaps unnecessary to mention but everybody knows there is only one good place to sit at any swimming pool. And once picked, one gets emotionally attached to this one spot. So the choice of desk chairs and their "pool place" shouldn't be taken too lightly.

Phase one - "the task"
finding the right place

Important parameters are the answers to the following questions:
What time is the sun there?
Will there be any shadow and if so, where and when?
How far is the distance to the water?
Any chance on a refreshing breeze during the day, or too windy?
How are the chances to get splashed on or even to get seriously wet?
What is the distance to the nearest bar?
Are there any big loudspeakers near the pool and if so where?
What type of people sit in that area?

Take the pro's and contra's and decide.

Phase two - "the study"
Observe the people occupying the desk chairs of your desire, these will be your contestants. what time do they claim the place and are they bigger then you?

If the answer to the second question is yes then reconsider the outcome of phase one or go directly to phase seven.

Phase three - "the hit"

Set the alarm half an hour before you expect your opponents to claim your seats, go to the desk chairs and drape your towels there. Take a seat in them, make yourself comfortable till they come and stay seated until they claim another place. During this phase do not look too triumphantly but play the murdered innocence.

Phase four - "the fight"
keeping your place

Sometimes just staying in your chair will not do and you might have to defend it. This can be done in several ways. One of the simplest manners is playing dumb and stick to your mother-tongue. If you are lucky they go away, if you are unlucky and they speak your language then just stick out your tongue and play "first come, first serve". Another option might be to urinate on every corner of your territory while your competitors are watching. Even if they do not understand the significant meaning of this gesture, it might just turn them off just for hygienic reasons.

Phase five - "the bigger fight"
reclaiming your place

Expect the unexpected in the sense that your place can be reconquered by your enemies during your breakfast. Do not openly start the fight but set the alarm for the next day half an hour earlier and never go out again for breakfast, lunch or diner without leaving your territory unattended by at least your spouse and half of your offspring.

Phase six - "the bribe"
become friendly with the life-guard

It is a good precaution, already during phase one, to get acquainted with the life-guard. Drinks or other minor presents, even smiles can help. It is easier then to leave your place unattended, knowing you have the pool-police at your side.

Phase seven - "the justified right"
In case all previous advices failed buy the book: "The settler's handbook for a greater Judea" for more practical tips.

Click here for the next day.

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