Dr.Schmockotovski

Dear Mr.Circum

It is with great pleasure that I inform you that I have some good news and some bad news for you. The bad news is that you will hardly receive any financial compensation neither for the accident you encountered nor for the 9 months of incapability to work. However the good news is that you do not have to pay back the € 2.900 you received so far from the insurance company of the man who caused the accident.

Sincerely, The Court's Doctor

To the first post in the "Accident" sequence.

Doctors can do so much these days!

This one retroactively changed my three broken ribs into just one ...




... in his report.






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Über-chacham

For someone as highly gifted as me it is obvious that the intelligence test, that revealed my high IQ, is rubbish.




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Wise men say...

Dear Mr.Circum,

It is with great pleasure that I inform you that I, in my immeasurable wisdom, have decided that you, while in the hospital recuperating from your accident, were still competent to work for 75%.

Sincerely, The Court's Doctor






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Smarties

Dear Mr.Circum,

It is with great pleasure that we inform you that you are not entitled to receive any compensation for your brain injury nor for the loss of your higher cognitive functions that were a result of your head trauma caused by your accident last year. According to the court's psychologist who examined you for 6 hours you are highly gifted, and thus you are still way above average and have nothing to complain.

Sincerely, The Court's Doctor









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Accident aftermath (13)

Tomorrow I'm visiting a dietician for the second time this month.
I've lost already 45 euros.



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Second opinion

I asked my doctor for a second opinion.
“Ok” he said “you’re ugly too”.

Henny Youngman (1906-1998)



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Healing (2)

Healing? Healing?
We don't heal, we diagnose, we are doctors.
By the way, can you come again next week? There is this other cute test we can do.

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Healing (1)

Here are some pain pills.
Here are some sleeping pills.
Here are some stomach pills because you take too many pills.
Here are some uhm...... sorry for asking, but what were your complaints again?

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It's not that eesy

How to valuate a neuropsychological report when the observing psychologist has made simple spelling mistakes?

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Dr.Chacham proudly proclaims:

“After weeks of thoroughly taken series of tests, we came to the conclusion that you must have hurt your neck during the accident.”

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Chutzpa

The doctor who treated me the first four weeks after my accident, and who did not diagnose me with severe concussion nor three broken ribs, recently accused me of “medical shopping”. He did this when he found out that I had switched to another hospital (where they did diagnose both).

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Finally a good hand-job

Eight weeks with people playing doctor; people who avoid all physical contact. Blindly relying on their impressive toys to make all sorts of scans and pictures. And when their toys don't detect any “hardware” problem then the complaints must be imaginary.

One hour with a manual therapist; the first one in 2 months who actually touched my neck. And he located the exact place of my problem in my neck's soft tissue (apparently not detectable by any of the fancy-schmancy doc-toys).

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Let's play hospital!

The difference between doctors and boys is the price of their toys.



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Just another relaxing bladder test

Naked from the waist down, tubes stuffed down my penis, attached to all sorts of machines around me, sitting in some sort of gynecological chair, in a position not really appreciated by my broken ribs, a balloon pushed up my behind and inflated automatically (thank god), my bladder filled by a machine to near-bursting maximum, several people of both gender around me, watching me while I'm unable to follow the order to urinate in a sort of child's-potty that is situated somewhere underneath-behind me.

Later, the rapport from the doctor read that they found me a bit tensed.

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Freedom of choice

My doctor told me that instead of a whiplash I rather could have a broken hip.
I told her that next time I'll have an accident I'll try to remember.



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Non-suggestive multiple choice mental test

Q: Do you think your accident is something you deserved?

1) yes
2) absolutely
3) no doubt about it
4) most probably

Q: Do you think nobody loves you?

1) yes
2) absolutely
3) no doubt about it
4) most probably



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It's all in the mind

To keep my room mate from hearing our conversation, the psychiatrist closed the thin textile curtain that devides the room in two.



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Right

For more then three weeks I have been unsuccessfully trying to convince the doctors that the right side of my body is reacting slower.

Today they checked it again and were still not convinced.

But now they think the left side is quicker.

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Mind you

My neurologist wants me to do a memory test coming Friday. It will be given by the hospital psychiatrist.

The same one who forgot to come here yesterday.

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